Soccerchic Scribblings

Baby Steps....

I have to admit it, this scares me. I have become so programmed in my way of dealing with things, it's almost become a science. I know just how many walls to keep up in order to protect myself, how much emotion to show when I'm interacting with others, when to take charge and when to sit back. Life is a giant chess game. I know, I've said that before, perhaps even more then once, but it is so true. I can't seem to erase the thought in my head that life is a game, and you must be an artist and actor to play it.

Do I like myself this way? I don't know, the answer really comes in the form of "When have I ever liked myself." It's not so much a conscious decision anymore, but more so a way of surviving.

And yet, despite all my baggage and history, you don't walk away. You've stayed, and that is what scares me. You've made me jump when I never would have on my own. It scares me that I might let down the walls, it scares me even more that you'll walk away when you see the real me.

posted by Adventures of a Girl @ 4:49 PM