A walk down memory lane...
I found an old friend today. You see, I was going through past e-mails looking for something that I had written years ago. I never did find the message, but I found pieces of me scattered throughout my sent items. The funny thing is it did not seem like me at all. It was like that déjà vu feeling when walking into a coffee shop. You feel like you've been there before, but you cannot really place a finger on the finer details.
It amazes me how much someone can change in a few years time. I was just 19 years old when I moved out of my parent's home across the country to live in Medicine Hat, Alberta. I feel like a sequel to my life started with that 30 hour drive. You see, up until that point I had done the expected thing, as I saw it. I lived with my parents, had a part-time job while working at my college education. I attended the church I grew up in, had the same friends that I had made mud pies with, and generally life was a long highway with a few curves and dips, but pretty much predictable. It's not that I didn't dream big; I did. I had huge and lofty goals of changing the world. I didn't want the normal and ordinary life, I wanted something far bigger than that.
November 2005. I leave home, my friends, my comfortable and somewhat predictable life and head across the country on the biggest adventure I'd ever been on. I felt that rush of actually being the person that does something, instead of just talks about what they are going to do. And you know what; it was far beyond anything I could have imagined. The Hat will always be an awesome memory preserved in my mind as the most perfect experience. I know I'm most likely looking back with rose coloured glasses, and painting the entire experience into a picture where I control the pattern. Yet I like it that way. I know it would never be entirely the same if I went back, but I am content to have it as that perfect adventure in my life.
July 2006. My office relocates to London, ON. This month marks the third anniversary of being in London. I would have never imagined when I drove down the long street leading to my new home that I would still be here. In fact, I never had any intention of being here longer than a year. Yet here I am three years later marvelling at whom I have become and where life has taken me so far. I must admit, I feel rather stagnant. Three years seems a little too long to settle down in one place at this point in my life. Part of me craves that wonderful feeling of moving to a place where nobody knows you and getting to start completely over.
I sit here and wonder what the old me of so many years ago would have thought if she could see the person she became in a few years time. I wonder if she would have been happy with that outcome, or disappointed. Did I live up to her expectations or surpass them? Maybe I will never know, but I'd like to think that she'd be impressed at who I've become.
Labels: Ramblings
I wonder why...
I still miss you, and I am not sure why.
Labels: Ramblings
Happy New Year
Well, it's the beginning of another year, which of course induces the standard New Year's resolutions. Promises to ourselves that we are going to lose weight, love more, accomplish something, become better people, and the list goes on. I am not exactly sure what it is about a new year starting that seems to provide people with the illusion of a "clean slate," but somehow most humans gravitate towards these times, even when we acknowledge that it's nothing more then a date on the calendar.
Yet, despite the fact that most people will break their New Year Resolution within two weeks of making it, there is something appealing about being offered a second chance, or the ability to make a change in your life.
As much as I would like to say that I haven't falled into this dellusional trap, I must admit there are things that I am hoping to change and accomplish this year, and they range from getting healthier to accomplishing some goals in my life that I feel will better me as a person. So I guess I'm saying that I am joining the masses, and hoping that these resolutions will last longer then the two week time period that most do. Happy New Year's!
Labels: Holiday's
Foggy
The fog gathered together in piles that gently hit her windshield and rolled off to the sides in a fluid motion. She watched the sun start to rise into the sky as she drove through the misty morning with a favourite song playing in the background. She wasn't quite sure how she had gotten here, it seemed like just yesterday she was so full of life and excitement over new beginnings. Yet, here she was again, on another travel-worn road asking herself the question of how.
Just the other day she had heard a speaker talk about shadow missions. The things in your life that keep you from your real mission. It was then that the nagging thoughts in the back of her mind came to the foreground forcing her to deal with them. The problem about shadow missions she mused, was the fact that they were just so enjoyable. She knew what she had to do, or at least what she shouldn't be doing, but it was just so hard. A part of her broke inside when she realized it. How had she come so far, and lost so much ground in such little time. She was learning that one cannot coast in life, for the moment your guard is down, or you feel that you are in control of things, is when you are going to get hit.
Delay is a breeding ground for doubt. Yet delay allowed her to not take the action that she was dreading.
Labels: Ramblings
Today
One Year. One Question. Why?
Confused...
I'll try to explain, but you most likely won't understand. Not many people do. It's not that I fault you for that...I mean, how could you know...I just sometimes wish I didn't have to explain, and see the bewildered look on your face. Then again, lives are like stocks...they have a price tag, the question is...how much are you willing to invest. I don't know your answer to that question, but I know mine.
Labels: Ramblings
Alive again.
She stood still, as the rain streamed down her face, causing her make-up and hair to run together. There was something about the rain that refreshed her, and made her feel like she could start all over again. It wasn't often that people had the chance to relive their life, or to have a new beginning. When it rained, she always felt like she was getting that chance, a new beginning. Somehow it was if the rain washed the junk and dirt that was on her, and made her complete again. Like she was before life had happened.
Time ceased to exist in these moments, it was like she had finally accomplished her goal, and froze time into a single snap shot. Suddenly yesterday's worries seemed a million light years away, she was free, and alive...once again.
Labels: Ramblings
