Soccerchic Scribblings

Tonight

It is quiet...only the faint hum of the washing machine in the background, and I am alone, staring at a blue screen that slightly reflects my face. This face has changed, lines have appeared on once smooth skin, and those eyes once so full of life are lifeless orbs - lost. I have become that person, the one in the computer screen, skin painfully stretched across bones that are all too defined. Sometimes, if I think hard enough, I can remember the days when life wasn't so painful. When each breath did not have to be torn from my body by some unknown force. A yesteryear when I noticed the flowers blooming and children's laughter.

But then, it all came too quickly. The cancer. A horrible disease that lept through his veins, consuming any life and sucking it dry. Somehow, watching the life been slowly drained from someone that you love so much took it's toll. Seeing him, laying so helplessly, at the end he couldn't even wipe his own drool. It was then that I raised my fist to a dark sky and cursed this disease. He of all people, so kind and caring, so gentle in all he did. It didn't make sense.

I started building walls, never letting anyone close enough. It was easier that way, then to face the prying questions of people who meant well, but just did not understand. They still don't understand, but they are used to the walls so they have begun to fade, and I hate them for that as well.

I have become bitter, bitter at a disease, the world, life. His disease took him, way to earlier in my opinion, but my disease, my disease haunts me, sucking every last drop of joy out of a life I could be living. And I hate it for conquering me.

posted by Adventures of a Girl @ 10:56 PM