Last night...
we had coffee house at the Schmidts. I should of known, when she approached me in the babysit that morning and told me the topic that we would be discussing that night, that it would be a little odd and hard to sit through - to say the least. Well, we discussed Finding God's Will for your life - I think it would of been more effective if they had just sat me in the middle of the room and drilled me with questions. We pretty much mapped out my entire life right now and talked through the expanse of it.
You know when you feel like you are a fly on the wall, and you really don't exist. It was one of those moments. I was sitting there, invisible to all - and yet it was my life on the floor in the middle of the room under the scrutnity of a thousand eyes. It was interesting to say the least. Thank goodness for the excuse to get one's car from the other side of the parking lot and having to walk 5 minutes to do so.
Once again, I am frusterated with my life, frusterated of settling in my relationship with God. I don't want to be one of those Christians who shows up to church on Sunday, even attends two services, goes to Bible study on Wednesday, helps out by making meals for people who need it, babysits in the nursery once in a while, and all those little things - I don't want to settle at that level. I want my life to be on fire for God - passionate, purposeful. And as I attempt to strive towards that goal, I get discouraged at how easy it is to just sit back and do the minimal.
I was talking to a good friend of mine recently, about how hard it is to be an example to my siblings. And he was like yah, you really need to encourage them because they look up to you. And as I thought about that this morning, in my waking moments, I have failed as an older sister. Add another thing to the list of areas I have to work on - areas that need massive renovations. Somedays the battle seems endless and hopeless.
posted by Adventures of a Girl @ 7:40 AM
6 Comments:
Tell me this: how are these people that go to church twice, attend studies, do meals, etc, not passionate people? It would be way easier to just go to church twice and call it a day, no?
I mean, you can be a passionate person and do the same things as everyone else - just because some people can do stuff and be dead inside doesn't mean that anyone who wants to be alive can't do those things.
So yeah, I think you're looking at it backwards.
And your good friend was right - brothers and sisters do look up to you and call you their hero - and one day you're going to disappoint them and maybe they'll lose a but of respect, but they'll still love you. You don't have to be freaking perfect.
Alright... I'm done :)
Funny, I thought about this very thought today after I wrote that post, and I was thinking maybe I should clarify that post. I was not bashing people who do those things, I think they are very important and I don't want to minimize that in any way.
I just think in general we settle to easily in our relationships with God - then again that could be just me. I know that we are human, and there is no way we are going to be 100% pasionate for Christ all the time. I just want to see 1 1/2 % passion in my own life - and I don't see it.
I don't know if you're going to get anywhere like this; I mean, a good dislike for being a sinner is a good thing, but you never seem to come to a point you can actually use as a springboard to something better. Is there anything that you like about yourself?
Why not build from there? Take your strong attributes and make them stronger, stop expecting and wanting perfection this instant, and everything will fall into place.
I think. :)
I like my baby toe:)
You are right, to a degree - I guess everything is about balance. Just I get frusterated when I, or people around me, are content with just settling. I don't want my measuring stick to be people around me - I want it to be God. Cause I can always make myself look better by finding someone to compare too - but that isn't the point.
I don't want to be stagnent water. I want to be constantly examining myself and looking for areas to change and work on.
You are right, to a degree - I guess everything is about balance ... Just I get frusterated when I, or people around me, are content with just settling.
I hate the word settling. Because some people have no desire to shoot for the stars, and that's perfectly fine. Some people will live the rest of their lives doing well enough, and that'll be enough for them.
Everything isn't about balance - a lot of things are, though. But there are always things that you can't be balanced about.
You don't want to be stagnant water, but it's painful to see your water always so troubled.
I see life as something that changes a person; I don't see people changing themselves so much as people'd like to think. A person guides the change that happens and makes it a positive or negative thing, but it's freaking out of their control.
And I am not saying that people who "settle" are lesser because of that. In fact most days I envy them because they are happy in their own worlds. That is cool - something I could learn more of. I just don't want to mistake "contentment" for settling (in the true sense of the word).
Sure life changes people - but we are called to deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow - somehow that doesn't seem so much just letting life change you. I think see it as more of action. We should always be changing, becoming better, striving towards a goal. Not saying we control life, but I think we have to be active in life.
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