Soccerchic Scribblings

Tuesday

Today was a bad day - I messed up really bad, it's so frusterating. I inhalled about 410 calories, which is ten calories over my said limit of 400 a day. I really gotta start cutting back - drinking more green tea since it has no calories, I just hate the taste of it adn it hurts my stomach. But, I guess there is a price to pay to be beautiful.

People don't understand this, the draw towards being thin and beautiful. Perhaps it is the control you feel, when your stomach cries out for food and you deny it. Nothing really compares to this feeling, it is like you can control part of you - awesome. Maybe it is the challenge, not many people have enough self-control to deny themselves things in life, especially when it comes to food. There is something attractive about going out there and doing it, being different then those millions of people who eat fastfood and stuff their faces. It's also the attraction to being thin and beautiful, to adding up to something in this world, to being looked at and someone saying, wow, she has a beautiful body. It's all those things and more that brings me to this point each day - that is the wind in the sails, the reason I keep doing this. So that one day, I will have the perfect body, and it will be thin, and it will be beautiful.

Some people blame it on the media - but it's not that. I know what I am doing to myself. It is a conscience decision I make each day when I wake up and step on the scale. It is me saying no to food, me denying myself, me doing "damage" to my body. I take full responsibility - and I love that I am responsible for this, that I control this part of me and I tell my body when and where it can eat.

You won't understand, no one does, but when it happens to you - it's different. It's after the five day fast in which all I had was water and a little food - then I am on top of my game - I feel unbeatable and powerful. I am the queen, and all those fat slobs, they are my subjects.

posted by Adventures of a Girl @ 9:19 PM